FOR FOOT'S SAKE

Well, we all expected it, didn't we? I set myself a goal to write a blog every day whilst we are on a lockdown and I've already failed. I wrote 3 blogs over 3 consecutive days and then you haven't heard a word from me since. Oh well, I figured I might as well be consistent in being inconsistent. The truth is I've been in a bit of a shitty mood all weekend. I guess it's partly to do with everything that's going on at the moment but mainly because I've injured my foot which is stopping me from exercising which was the main thing keeping me sane. I guess I kind of had it coming for acting like Billy Big Bollocks bragging about my 7km runs. Thanks for knocking me down a peg or two Karma, really appreciate it, hun. So since Saturday, I've been resting my foot with a bag of ice on it hoping that I haven't done anything major to it as the hospital is the last place I want to be heading to right about now. With all this spare time I have had I've had plenty of time to write a blog or twelve but I honestly could not be arsed. So instead I've spent the weekend being super, super productive. I've watched all of Tiger King and I wouldn't really recommend it. I finished it and was confused about its intentions. Whoever is responsible for how it was all put together should probably get a pay cut. If you wanted the focus to be on the cruelty to animals aspect then that should've been the sole focus. If you wanted it to be about the petty drama amongst the whole local zoo community, then again that should've been your sole focus. Do better Netflix! (Also, does anybody else feel that Netflix drags the hell out their docu-series? They do these 7/8/9 episode series that could quite easily be cut by half or made into a 90-minute documentary. Bores me to beers.) I've shaved my beard off and I wouldn't recommend that either. I was bored on Saturday night and figured I would do it seen as I hadn't seen myself without one in about 4 years. I can confirm I look better with facial hair and I can also confirm that the world is a much colder place without it. I cut my own fringe and I probably wouldn't recommend it but I have done a pretty decent job if I do say so myself. I'm kind of over having a blunt fringe but it's the easiest thing to cut into your own hair so pat on the back to me. I was due a hair cut next week just before my holiday *sobs into passport* so needs must and all that. I've watched all of Unbelievable and I would recommend that. If, like me, you love TV shows with boss ass women taking the lead, then please give this show a watch. I won't give the plot away but it showcases the justice system in America in regards to rape. It's both frustrating and satisfying as a whole. I've drank far too much Prosecco and I would highly recommend that. I don't feel like I need to explain why. We're all coming out of this as alcoholics and we might as well just accept that. I've ordered some Fake Tan because if I'm going to be bald-faced and bored, I might as well be tanned to the high heavens. So I would definitely recommend doing the same. Nights in are the new nights out! So, pretty eventful weekend you must admit, yeah? No wonder I'm exhausted. For the rest of this week, I think I need to take it easy in regards to my injury. I would ideally like to be out running by the end of the week but of course, I'll play it by ear, or should I say foot? In the meantime, I'm still trying to work on (finding) my abs as well as doing some weights for my arms and chest. I'm not going to be coming out of this quarantine shituation looking hot by just laying in bed eating babybells am I? Before I go I will leave you with a little story. So, on Friday I went for a run – the fourth one in a row and the last one before hurting my foot. Whilst on the run I was approaching this elderly man who was walking by himself. There I was running my man boobs off, listening to Pussycat Dolls song React and pretending I was in the music video and he gestured for me to take my headphones out. “If you keep at this pace you'll catch up with an attractive young girl who's also out running” he says to me. “Ah right, I'll have to keep an eye out” I guess my short shorts were wasted on him but there you have it, people. Even in the height of Corona Virus and in the middle of the run, I have the ability to serve you heterosexual realness. Now not everyone can do that! Lock up your daughters! Stay safe guys. Bye. - Jordan

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